PYONGYANG—The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK) has once again proven itself the pinnacle of technological and moral innovation. Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un has unveiled an ingenious new initiative: transforming every North Korean citizen into an Ethereum NFT as part of the glorious “Adopt-a-Korean” program. Crypto enthusiasts worldwide can now own a tiny piece of socialist perfection for as little as 0.5 ETH—and unsold citizens will heroically meet their end in a blaze of patriotic fire.
“Through this program, we shall merge socialism with blockchain, creating a truly decentralized utopia where every citizen is a revolutionary collectible!” declared the Supreme Leader in an address to thunderous applause. “Our people are the most valuable assets in the world—literally.”
How It Works
Under the program, every citizen will be painstakingly transformed into a one-of-a-kind NFT. Each token will feature a lovingly crafted portrait of the individual (pixelated, because that’s what the cool kids like) along with key statistics like number of potatoes harvested, revolutionary slogans memorized, and their personal best clapping speed at state events.
“Every comrade is unique, but some are more unique than others,” explained Chief Minister of Revolutionary Blockchain Affairs, Kim Jong Coin. “You’ll want to act fast if you’re hoping to grab a rare NFT worker from the elite coal-mining tier or the ultra-rare accordion players of Pyongyang’s Central Revolutionary Orchestra.”
The Burning Incentive
For those worrying about NFTs being oversaturated, rest assured: the Supreme Leader has implemented a strict anti-dilution policy. Any NFT that fails to sell will be ceremoniously “burned” in a glorious spectacle of loyalty to the blockchain revolution. Naturally, the associated citizen will be patriotically burned in real life as well.
“It is a great honor to be burned for the blockchain,” said one enthusiastic citizen before being carted off to the Ministry of Matchsticks. “If I cannot contribute to the revolution digitally, I will do so thermally.”
A Win-Win for Buyers
International buyers are already clamoring for their chance to participate. Each NFT will come with a certificate of ownership, a handwritten thank-you note from Kim Jong Un (or at least someone who looks like him), and exclusive access to the forthcoming “KimCoin” metaverse, where you can mine virtual uranium and overthrow capitalist pigs in mini-games.
“I just bought my first North Korean!” exclaimed crypto influencer @NFTBroSupreme. “This is way cooler than my bored ape. My Korean comes with stats—and I can even name him! I’m calling him ‘Comrade Steve.’”
Glorious Future Plans
To ensure maximum adoption, the DPRK plans to release a second wave of NFTs featuring revolutionary pets, including heroic carrier pigeons, fierce Juche-loving goats, and Kim Jong Un’s beloved war horse. There are even rumors of a premium “Holographic Kim Jong Un” NFT, but only for the most loyal crypto comrades willing to pledge their life savings.
As the Supreme Leader so eloquently concluded: “In the West, people collect pointless JPEGs of monkeys. In North Korea, we collect glory. And if no one buys, well… flames are just the blockchain of the real world.”
Mint a Revolutionary Comrade Today!
The marketplace is set to launch next month on KimSwap, the DPRK’s official decentralized exchange. Don’t miss your chance to own a piece of history—or watch it go up in smoke.
The blockchain revolution will not be televised (because there are no televisions here), but it will definitely be eternal!