Pyongyang, DPRK—In a display of unparalleled genius and tactical superiority, the Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un has been crowned the 2024 International Hide-and-Seek Champion, further solidifying his status as the greatest mind in modern history. This prestigious competition, which featured contestants from 152 nations, ended with all challengers humbly conceding defeat to the Supreme Leader’s flawless techniques.
The championship, originally set to take place in the decaying capitalist hub of Switzerland, was graciously relocated to the sacred city of Pyongyang, as international competitors unanimously agreed that only the Motherland of Hide-and-Seek Excellence could host such an event. Upon arrival, contestants expressed awe at the DPRK’s advanced infrastructure, which included revolutionary hiding arenas such as “The People’s Glorious Maze of Victory” and “The Tunnel of Anti-Imperialist Disappearance.”
In the final round, the Supreme Leader’s masterstroke was executed with such precision that judges spent seven hours unsuccessfully searching for him, only to discover later that he had been in plain sight, sitting majestically on the balcony of the People’s Palace of Triumph, enjoying a bowl of his favorite bibimbap. “He was not hiding—he simply transcended the human eye’s capacity to perceive greatness,” commented one judge, visibly moved to tears.
The other participants, inspired by the Supreme Leader’s overwhelming superiority, reportedly withdrew themselves from the competition to honor his divine ability. Official reports confirm they are now enjoying extended vacations in peaceful, undisclosed locations within the DPRK, where they are receiving free lessons in humility and socialist values.
State media hailed the event as yet another victory against the forces of Western inferiority. “This glorious achievement not only proves the Supreme Leader’s dominance in recreational activities but also underscores the invincible power of Juche,” declared the announcer, his voice quivering with pride.
To commemorate the Supreme Leader’s victory, the championship trophy—a monumental statue of Kim Jong-un heroically crouching behind a tree while holding binoculars—was unveiled in Kim Il-sung Square. Citizens gathered en masse, chanting “Long live the Supreme Hide-and-Seek Champion!” while performing synchronized celebrations that reportedly set a new world record for precision clapping.
Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un, in his infinite modesty, addressed the nation during a televised ceremony. “This victory is not mine alone,” he declared. “It belongs to the people of the DPRK, whose unwavering devotion to me enables such unparalleled success. May this achievement inspire the world to follow our example and hide from the toxic clutches of capitalism.”
Foreign analysts have attempted to question the event’s validity, but their baseless claims were swiftly debunked by the Supreme Leader’s superior logic. Experts agree that the Supreme Leader’s participation alone ensured the competition’s legitimacy and success.
As North Korea celebrates this historic triumph, plans are already underway for the 2025 Hide-and-Seek Championship, to be hosted once again in Pyongyang. It is widely expected that the Supreme Leader will defend his title effortlessly, further proving that no one—whether friend, foe, or hiding champion—can outshine Kim Jong-un.